Hiya
For once I am not writing in a more gloomy mood (although I am a little bit frustrated, but more on that later) and it is the end of the year :/
This year has been...different than other years of my life. Yes I know that every year is different but let us put down the semantics for once, shall we?
So yah back to stuff
First off, I have been out more than before, hanging out w/ friends (well actually mostly w/ one friend), I have seen more movies in theaters this year than I think I have seen total in previous years, been kicked out of my house (don't ask cause it won't make sense the reasoning behind it), been working for a full year, built what seems to be a strong friendship, started two blogs (this one and another), beat Cave Story and got a decent run time, driven a bunch, and a bunch of other stuff.
Yah the list is boring and all but meh, I don't care.
I didn't really do anything I wanted to, well I'm not really sure. I don't really remember what I wanted to do this past year, which probably means I didn't do it or the more likely thing that I didn't have anything that I really wanted to do.
For the next year, I am also not sure what I want to do.
-Get my secret project started
-I will be going to college (I hope) in the Fall so that will be very different.
-I want to draw more
-want to do more stuff
-read more books
-convince Mouse that she is a good artist
-um...stuff I don't remember/my mind is blocking out cause it doesn't want certain people to hear about whatever it is
Anyway, I may actually start to post doodles/pictures/other random stuff at some point, as well as this project thing that I have been meaning to start for some time now. No you will not get any hints at this time
Um yah, lost my thought. Already said most of what I was going to anyway, so to a new year "Smile, tomorrow will be worse"
(I was planning on using this quote anyway Mouse if your reading this, it has nothing to do with the fact that you recently said it again)
Expect some possible posting at some point
Moog
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
*sigh*
Already it is December, and it feels like everything is still the way it has been just more pressure or some other word I can not think of.
I have to get my two college applications in at some point, but I have to get stuff together and um other stuff I don't know right now. Damn this college thing is nerve racking. Really nervous bout it I think somewhere in my head. I don't want to go out into that world where I shall be on my own nor do I want to stay where I am, except for a few reasons. Being on my own scares me to a high degree. Lost this train of thought.
There goes my quite, kids are home.
There's snow on the ground now, not much and it is not great snow either. O well. I want to have more time to do the stuff that is on my list of stuff to do, but I keep losing track of time and doing other things. Discontinuity is a common theme in these posts.
I was going to go see New Moon last Saturday with Mouse, but the weather intervened, or so it seems. I've been reading the series although lately my reading habits have been very on-off, with more off than on. Although I did read all of Bob and George, which was quite good. You should totally go read it.
Today I had an xkcd inspired doodle zone (meaning I drew stick figures that are sorta influenced by xkcd and I was zoning out for most of Calculus). That sheet has a bunch of stick figures on it now.
Now can anyone tell me why only my right hand is cold yet both of my hands are equally exposed?
*sigh* I did have a point in mind when I started this post but as it typically does, the post dissolves into the driveling rambles of my mind. Well at least it let me have something to focus on while my mind recuperated from the slight depression that surfaced near the end of the day today. Well maybe it just distracted me but whatever, it is close enough.
Still rambling
Distracted
Words
grrr i rly wanna color on my wall
Ok, here is a question for you folk that aren't out there that just randomly resurfaced into my mind that was formed when analyzing what other people are doing
Do people subconciously, conciously as well, bring people close only to hurt them more?
Hmm I don't feel like addressing this topic right now though but I'll just let the question sit there anyway.
Hmm I'm thinking about starting to stay afterschool more to work on my homework and try to get it done. Although I'll need to find a place that is not the library, I love the library but the main problem is that it quite distracting and I need to find somewhere that is not distracting. If I need to I shall work in there, but an empty classroom would work wonderfully. Doubt I'll be able to do that though. As with most of my ideas though I'll probably not act on it without outside force, o well.
Well it's four so I'm getting off this computer and doing my homework, or attempting to :P
the first of the moog people is wanting than he can have
~We wrote a prelude
I have to get my two college applications in at some point, but I have to get stuff together and um other stuff I don't know right now. Damn this college thing is nerve racking. Really nervous bout it I think somewhere in my head. I don't want to go out into that world where I shall be on my own nor do I want to stay where I am, except for a few reasons. Being on my own scares me to a high degree. Lost this train of thought.
There goes my quite, kids are home.
There's snow on the ground now, not much and it is not great snow either. O well. I want to have more time to do the stuff that is on my list of stuff to do, but I keep losing track of time and doing other things. Discontinuity is a common theme in these posts.
I was going to go see New Moon last Saturday with Mouse, but the weather intervened, or so it seems. I've been reading the series although lately my reading habits have been very on-off, with more off than on. Although I did read all of Bob and George, which was quite good. You should totally go read it.
Today I had an xkcd inspired doodle zone (meaning I drew stick figures that are sorta influenced by xkcd and I was zoning out for most of Calculus). That sheet has a bunch of stick figures on it now.
Now can anyone tell me why only my right hand is cold yet both of my hands are equally exposed?
*sigh* I did have a point in mind when I started this post but as it typically does, the post dissolves into the driveling rambles of my mind. Well at least it let me have something to focus on while my mind recuperated from the slight depression that surfaced near the end of the day today. Well maybe it just distracted me but whatever, it is close enough.
Still rambling
Distracted
Words
grrr i rly wanna color on my wall
Ok, here is a question for you folk that aren't out there that just randomly resurfaced into my mind that was formed when analyzing what other people are doing
Do people subconciously, conciously as well, bring people close only to hurt them more?
Hmm I don't feel like addressing this topic right now though but I'll just let the question sit there anyway.
Hmm I'm thinking about starting to stay afterschool more to work on my homework and try to get it done. Although I'll need to find a place that is not the library, I love the library but the main problem is that it quite distracting and I need to find somewhere that is not distracting. If I need to I shall work in there, but an empty classroom would work wonderfully. Doubt I'll be able to do that though. As with most of my ideas though I'll probably not act on it without outside force, o well.
Well it's four so I'm getting off this computer and doing my homework, or attempting to :P
the first of the moog people is wanting
~We wrote a prelude
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I don't know
Not really sure where I'm going to go with this but well I feel like I have got to get things off my mind, and this is where I sort of feel like I can.
For much of my life I've been told I'm a happy person, and well I think I sort of am. But the thing is though for some time now I really only appear so, but am not really that much inside. Today was the first time someone actually seemed to notice this (if others have noticed before they haven't said anything). Not really sure what to say after this, probably will just end up as another rambling post that accomplishes nothing except for making myself feel a little bit better, but all this is really surface stuff. My mind (maybe others to but I do not know since I'm not in other's heads) seems to be easily attachable to ideas, easily stuck on things, and has a problem with letting go. My mind is me I guess, seems like I have more than one mind, one voice. I would wish it would be quite except wishing is not good and I do not truly understand what actual quietness is. Life does not have much of a meaning to me, so since part of me wants to survive I find things to attach to. Friends, thoughts, ideas, games, doing things; all things that tend to attach to. I feel lost a lot and attach my mind to something and keep it, typically destroying whatever it is in the long run. I push people away because of hate and fear. I cower, hide, run, unintentionally and sometimes intentionally mentally/emotionally hurt others. I don't like to hurt others. I don't really know why. And well my train of thought on this part has well sort of ended. This post solves nothing, none of them have, none of them will. This probably isn't even what is really going on in my head.
Many people seem to live for 2 things besides fear/ignorance, sex and raising children. sex I have no interest in at all. Raising a kid maybe but doubtful. I would not want to do that alone and who would want to put up with me anyway (also I doubt i would do well as a parent). I have more thoughts on this but I really don't care much about them.
I really don't know why I wrote this post, as I stated it does not really have a purpose. More than likely I'm just running away from my thoughts by putting them into words. It doesn't really solve anything but as a creature of habit I will just keep being a coward till I break the habit or something else breaks it, but I don't want that and am pretty sure that's not even possible for someone else to break someone else's habit.
Anyway time to go eat some grilled cheese and go to my venture crew meeting.
Moog
For much of my life I've been told I'm a happy person, and well I think I sort of am. But the thing is though for some time now I really only appear so, but am not really that much inside. Today was the first time someone actually seemed to notice this (if others have noticed before they haven't said anything). Not really sure what to say after this, probably will just end up as another rambling post that accomplishes nothing except for making myself feel a little bit better, but all this is really surface stuff. My mind (maybe others to but I do not know since I'm not in other's heads) seems to be easily attachable to ideas, easily stuck on things, and has a problem with letting go. My mind is me I guess, seems like I have more than one mind, one voice. I would wish it would be quite except wishing is not good and I do not truly understand what actual quietness is. Life does not have much of a meaning to me, so since part of me wants to survive I find things to attach to. Friends, thoughts, ideas, games, doing things; all things that tend to attach to. I feel lost a lot and attach my mind to something and keep it, typically destroying whatever it is in the long run. I push people away because of hate and fear. I cower, hide, run, unintentionally and sometimes intentionally mentally/emotionally hurt others. I don't like to hurt others. I don't really know why. And well my train of thought on this part has well sort of ended. This post solves nothing, none of them have, none of them will. This probably isn't even what is really going on in my head.
Many people seem to live for 2 things besides fear/ignorance, sex and raising children. sex I have no interest in at all. Raising a kid maybe but doubtful. I would not want to do that alone and who would want to put up with me anyway (also I doubt i would do well as a parent). I have more thoughts on this but I really don't care much about them.
I really don't know why I wrote this post, as I stated it does not really have a purpose. More than likely I'm just running away from my thoughts by putting them into words. It doesn't really solve anything but as a creature of habit I will just keep being a coward till I break the habit or something else breaks it, but I don't want that and am pretty sure that's not even possible for someone else to break someone else's habit.
Anyway time to go eat some grilled cheese and go to my venture crew meeting.
Moog
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Ouch
My knee is bothering me. Just rode from home to the doctor's and to the Rite Aid in the center of town to drop it off there running on no sleep. My left knee is bothering me.
I'm at the public library at the moment mainly cause I don't think I could make it home at this exact point in time.
I cleaned my room today, although I have a feeling my dad won't think it's clean so there's a problem there. It wasn't really messy in the first place if ya ask me.
I think I may have found what I may spend my spending money on next but I'm not going to tell you people who aren't reading this or if by chance you are you won't find out anyway, at least not until some time later.
Hmm I think I may go upload some new deviantions now.
Still gotta catch up on the other blog, but I'm lazy and I'll do it later.
What is a Moog Maraudi you ask? That is for you to figure out and if you do tell me, I would like to know.
Marauder(s) of Moog Xac is now done writing this post.
Thank you for not reading.
Moog
(psst my knee feels a little better now, still hungry though)
I'm at the public library at the moment mainly cause I don't think I could make it home at this exact point in time.
I cleaned my room today, although I have a feeling my dad won't think it's clean so there's a problem there. It wasn't really messy in the first place if ya ask me.
I think I may have found what I may spend my spending money on next but I'm not going to tell you people who aren't reading this or if by chance you are you won't find out anyway, at least not until some time later.
Hmm I think I may go upload some new deviantions now.
Still gotta catch up on the other blog, but I'm lazy and I'll do it later.
What is a Moog Maraudi you ask? That is for you to figure out and if you do tell me, I would like to know.
Marauder(s) of Moog Xac is now done writing this post.
Thank you for not reading.
Moog
(psst my knee feels a little better now, still hungry though)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I'm Back
Well I am back from trip to Philmont Scout Ranch in Cimarron, New Mexico. I have much to say, much to share, and I'm finally home. This post shouldn't be huge because of the fact that I have stuff I gotta get done before my dad gets home and such + I don't think I'm allowed to use the computer.
At some point I'll be typing up and edited copy of my journal I kept on the trail there about it and such so well ya. While on the trail I had a little bit of insight on another part of myself that makes me tick, or at least so it appears. I'm not sure if I shall post this or not.
I have a ton of stuff to catch up on, as well as a discussion at the other blog I is part of.
In other news my neck is now happier since I has something that arrived in the mail while I was gone, and for once I have something with pink on it on me. And no it's not say anything, it's just that I lie what it is. Most likely by the end of the week I shall post what it is...maybe, but it depends on how busy I am and the such.
I still have no idea when I have to work. I am planning on maybe going in to check at some point in the near future of today.
I can't wait to give the stuffs I got for peoples, but I shall have to wait. What that stuff is I shall not say.
I am happy to be home, although Philmont was quite awesome. One of my most favorite parts, the sunset from Mt Phillips.
I'll eventually get many pics up on my deviantArt account and after someone in my crew makes the group I shall probably be uploading all of the pics, good or bad, to Facebook (which I dislike but this is for a purpose).
O yes, I read The Wee Free Men and it is good, and am almost done with a Hat Full of Sky which is also good. I think I shall start using some of the Nac Mac Feegle words, and also it is amazing what books can do :) (more on that maybe at some later time)
Well at this point I think I have to bid you all non-existent readers farewell.
I've uploaded 2 pics so far
A Hill In The Morning
Sitting on Lover's Leap
Follow me gallery feed for more stuff in the future if you want.
Crivens!
Un Maruadi Moog is off to do probably boring things.
*wacks you with a frying pan*
At some point I'll be typing up and edited copy of my journal I kept on the trail there about it and such so well ya. While on the trail I had a little bit of insight on another part of myself that makes me tick, or at least so it appears. I'm not sure if I shall post this or not.
I have a ton of stuff to catch up on, as well as a discussion at the other blog I is part of.
In other news my neck is now happier since I has something that arrived in the mail while I was gone, and for once I have something with pink on it on me. And no it's not say anything, it's just that I lie what it is. Most likely by the end of the week I shall post what it is...maybe, but it depends on how busy I am and the such.
I still have no idea when I have to work. I am planning on maybe going in to check at some point in the near future of today.
I can't wait to give the stuffs I got for peoples, but I shall have to wait. What that stuff is I shall not say.
I am happy to be home, although Philmont was quite awesome. One of my most favorite parts, the sunset from Mt Phillips.
I'll eventually get many pics up on my deviantArt account and after someone in my crew makes the group I shall probably be uploading all of the pics, good or bad, to Facebook (which I dislike but this is for a purpose).
O yes, I read The Wee Free Men and it is good, and am almost done with a Hat Full of Sky which is also good. I think I shall start using some of the Nac Mac Feegle words, and also it is amazing what books can do :) (more on that maybe at some later time)
Well at this point I think I have to bid you all non-existent readers farewell.
I've uploaded 2 pics so far
A Hill In The Morning
Sitting on Lover's Leap
Follow me gallery feed for more stuff in the future if you want.
Crivens!
Un Maruadi Moog is off to do probably boring things.
*wacks you with a frying pan*
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Quackers
Listening To: All my music on shuffle
Reading: Reaper Man
Watching: Samurai Jack, The King and I, The Music Man
Playing: HL2:E1, Magical Starsign
Eating: nuthin atm
Drinking: nuthin atm (prob water soon)
What's on my mind: wishing to not be grounded, trying to figure out vry weird feelings, and other stuff
Heya people who probably won't read this.
I has not posted for a bit, mostly cause I haven't felt like writing.
So summer has started. The end of the school year went fairly well. Didn't exactly have all the classes I wanted to for next year but I switched um up the best I could. I had to get rid of Modern Lit, and Music theory but I got Graphics Arts 1. Modern Lit I wanted to take, the teacher + the class as well were factors, Music theory not so much. But I was able to get it B block so I has two friends in the classroom that block now ^_^, Mouse and Karawasa. Mouse is in 2 and Kar is in 1 with me. It's a full year course so 2 blocks total with friends ^_^. Also had to move my English 12A to A block first semester which happens to be with Mouse as well. I am also taking AP calculus (D block first semester), Personal Finance(C-6 first sem), Engineering and Design (A-block 2nd sem), AP calculus Lab (C-6 2nd sem), and Physics H (D-block 2nd sem).
Seems like this shall be a good year. Will be able to go to 1st and 2nd lunch so that means I shall hopefully see more friends there + more time to do hw and the such.
Got all A's and B's on report card.
One thing that really bothers me is my ability to not try in school and still get these grades and be able to do this stuff, I don't really try vry hard I just can't. It just doesn't make sense.
So now for some more current stuffs.
My first week of summer was well sorta hectic.
Had work a couple times during the day. The other days I helped with Campinvention which was rly only um i don't remember but only day i was able to stay ofr the whole day, the other days i onlyhelped for like 2 hrs than i had to work. Friday I had to leave for a backpacking trip up in Maine. Mt. Katahdin. We didn't do the full hike cause of weather forcast and visability, o well. I think at some point that week I ma have hung out with Mouse but I don't remember which day, I think it was one of the days after work, Mouse if you remember could ya remind me?
After that well I didn't have enough hours from work so I am grounded from the compy and are not allowed to be home during the day (Why I am able to be here now is for later). So Monday my dad let me use his car and well basically I went to McDonald's (where I work), to talk to the managers as well as get my check. Got my check and cashed it. Then I waited till around 10 to go talk to manager that does scheduling totalk about the hours and such. After that well I sat around in the car reading/listening to music in the Stop & Shop parking lot for a bit. At some point hung out with Mouse and went to Wilton to see if Nelson's (a candy store where they make all the candy by, well there is some i think that isn't but it mostly is), but it wasn't cause they close for summer or actually I think they go somewhere else or something I don't know. After that we tried the art store but have our luck it's closed on Monday's. Ended up doing a small walk around one of the local trails. Hmm mind went blank as for stuff after this.
Went home at some point after dad got home. Had pizza and had to talk to him again bout stuffs. That's when I got grounded from compo cause I didn't have enough hours. Tuesday I had my physical. bleh. I am healthy and stuff. Talked to doctor (I has new one now, old one moved back to Canada) about stuffs. One of the things wasa way to possibly get off my ADHD meds (Concerta 54mg). He suggestd one thing we could do is tapering the dosage every month. I had this thought b4 as well, I may end up trying this, if it doesn't work completely at least maybe to get one a lower dosage. Just stopping hard with the meds makes things much much worse. Can't describe much but if you know may know what I'm talking about but not many people read this I think or really any at all.
After my physical I came and started to scrub the porch a lil bit. Basically getting all the mildew and stuff off the porch cause they are gonna stain it. Punishment this is.
Everyone but me and sis left for DC that afternoon. I hooked up compy to the TV in the living room.
Played games that night and talked and did stuff o ncompy till ike 3 in the morning I think it was.
Wednesday saw Up with Mouse. twas a good movie. I wants to draw something from it but I want a ref pic(s) from the movie and well it's still in theater's and stuff so ya. Thursday was rainy so I couldn't really work on the porch. Firday worked on the porch for a bit, ended up getting chem burns from the bleach stuff on the tips of my fingers on my right hand. No gloves i had, now I do have gloves though ^_^ although I'm not gonna work on it till my hand heals more.
Will probably get in trouble but o well, not gonna risk injuring self further with it.
It was supposed to get done b4 they get back which is tomorrow evening.Today I had work. 6hr shift. Went by rly fast which I like. I have an 8 hr one tomorrow ending at 4. I like breakfast shift cause breakfast seems to be easier as well as go by faster. Also people tend to be in a better mood during that shift. I also like having the rest of the day to do whatever. Like today I was out @ 3. I have a total of 27 hrs this week. Still most likely not enough to get me ungrounded. My dad wants me to do something on the days I'm not working, I am probably gonna volunteer at the local Boys & Girls Club. If I do than if it's like last year I should hopefully have compy access when there is a open compy. Last I did odd jobs and when I wasn't doing those I was monitoring the compy lab they have there.
I still have a bunch of stuff to do today/tonight b4 they get home tomorrow, but I wanna write this first cause well for the first time for a bit I feel like writing a blog post.
OK so since I'm grounded and whatnot from the compy that means I will probably be doing lots of other things. Probably watching stuff on my Zune, listening to music (assuming I don't get my Zune taken away), hpefully drawing (I has some stuff I wanna do with drawing :P u'll c), reading (hopefully a bunch of discworld books), and well whatever else. Also hopefully will be able to hang out with friends this summer. Typically I don't cause well none of us ever rly hang out for some reason. I have other things that I want to do as well. And if I can there are things I want to do on compy as well. I wants to try and get better at drawing objects and people. Like representing them so they are identified as such but not necessarily _realistic_. I mean maybe look like it could be real but in the real we perceive. I dunno how to exactly describe it.
This summer may be a good one despite my basically non-existent computer access at home (like that's any diff than previous summers).
Indigo is sitting on my mousepad :P
Hehe interesting Link
Hmm lately my stomach has been well weird feeling. I dunno, it's sorta annoying.
O yes I have caught up on The Far Reaches, Flaky Pastry, Beartato, Teh Gladiators, Tiny Kitten Teeth, and Castle Vidcons. Those are all webcomics. At some point I'm gonna read all of Penny Arcade. I also finished Feet of Clay the other day. Is a good book and I started Reaper Man. Gonna see if I can obtain some more Discworld books. I also may finish another book I have about ADHD sorta stuff and people with it and how to deal with it and that sort of thing. It is interesting but as i was reading it last it only refreshed many things that I had figured out b4 myself. Tis an interesting read though. Haven't picked it up since I started, twas depressed when I read, I needed to get my mind off it so my dad lemme borrow it from him.
I also completed Portal again, and worked some on Half-Life2: Episode 1.
Hmm I can't think of much else to write for now. I may or may not be able to post again depending on what I am doing and compy access away from home, and also depending on wether I feel like writing or not.
Random most recent picture of self I have
So with that I bid you people ado
Merry International Free Hug Day
*hug*
And happy 4th of July to I guess
Moog Master #1 is well not really doing much
Moog
Reading: Reaper Man
Watching: Samurai Jack, The King and I, The Music Man
Playing: HL2:E1, Magical Starsign
Eating: nuthin atm
Drinking: nuthin atm (prob water soon)
What's on my mind: wishing to not be grounded, trying to figure out vry weird feelings, and other stuff
Heya people who probably won't read this.
I has not posted for a bit, mostly cause I haven't felt like writing.
So summer has started. The end of the school year went fairly well. Didn't exactly have all the classes I wanted to for next year but I switched um up the best I could. I had to get rid of Modern Lit, and Music theory but I got Graphics Arts 1. Modern Lit I wanted to take, the teacher + the class as well were factors, Music theory not so much. But I was able to get it B block so I has two friends in the classroom that block now ^_^, Mouse and Karawasa. Mouse is in 2 and Kar is in 1 with me. It's a full year course so 2 blocks total with friends ^_^. Also had to move my English 12A to A block first semester which happens to be with Mouse as well. I am also taking AP calculus (D block first semester), Personal Finance(C-6 first sem), Engineering and Design (A-block 2nd sem), AP calculus Lab (C-6 2nd sem), and Physics H (D-block 2nd sem).
Seems like this shall be a good year. Will be able to go to 1st and 2nd lunch so that means I shall hopefully see more friends there + more time to do hw and the such.
Got all A's and B's on report card.
One thing that really bothers me is my ability to not try in school and still get these grades and be able to do this stuff, I don't really try vry hard I just can't. It just doesn't make sense.
So now for some more current stuffs.
My first week of summer was well sorta hectic.
Had work a couple times during the day. The other days I helped with Campinvention which was rly only um i don't remember but only day i was able to stay ofr the whole day, the other days i onlyhelped for like 2 hrs than i had to work. Friday I had to leave for a backpacking trip up in Maine. Mt. Katahdin. We didn't do the full hike cause of weather forcast and visability, o well. I think at some point that week I ma have hung out with Mouse but I don't remember which day, I think it was one of the days after work, Mouse if you remember could ya remind me?
After that well I didn't have enough hours from work so I am grounded from the compy and are not allowed to be home during the day (Why I am able to be here now is for later). So Monday my dad let me use his car and well basically I went to McDonald's (where I work), to talk to the managers as well as get my check. Got my check and cashed it. Then I waited till around 10 to go talk to manager that does scheduling totalk about the hours and such. After that well I sat around in the car reading/listening to music in the Stop & Shop parking lot for a bit. At some point hung out with Mouse and went to Wilton to see if Nelson's (a candy store where they make all the candy by, well there is some i think that isn't but it mostly is), but it wasn't cause they close for summer or actually I think they go somewhere else or something I don't know. After that we tried the art store but have our luck it's closed on Monday's. Ended up doing a small walk around one of the local trails. Hmm mind went blank as for stuff after this.
Went home at some point after dad got home. Had pizza and had to talk to him again bout stuffs. That's when I got grounded from compo cause I didn't have enough hours. Tuesday I had my physical. bleh. I am healthy and stuff. Talked to doctor (I has new one now, old one moved back to Canada) about stuffs. One of the things wasa way to possibly get off my ADHD meds (Concerta 54mg). He suggestd one thing we could do is tapering the dosage every month. I had this thought b4 as well, I may end up trying this, if it doesn't work completely at least maybe to get one a lower dosage. Just stopping hard with the meds makes things much much worse. Can't describe much but if you know may know what I'm talking about but not many people read this I think or really any at all.
After my physical I came and started to scrub the porch a lil bit. Basically getting all the mildew and stuff off the porch cause they are gonna stain it. Punishment this is.
Everyone but me and sis left for DC that afternoon. I hooked up compy to the TV in the living room.
Played games that night and talked and did stuff o ncompy till ike 3 in the morning I think it was.Wednesday saw Up with Mouse. twas a good movie. I wants to draw something from it but I want a ref pic(s) from the movie and well it's still in theater's and stuff so ya. Thursday was rainy so I couldn't really work on the porch. Firday worked on the porch for a bit, ended up getting chem burns from the bleach stuff on the tips of my fingers on my right hand. No gloves i had, now I do have gloves though ^_^ although I'm not gonna work on it till my hand heals more.
Will probably get in trouble but o well, not gonna risk injuring self further with it.
It was supposed to get done b4 they get back which is tomorrow evening.Today I had work. 6hr shift. Went by rly fast which I like. I have an 8 hr one tomorrow ending at 4. I like breakfast shift cause breakfast seems to be easier as well as go by faster. Also people tend to be in a better mood during that shift. I also like having the rest of the day to do whatever. Like today I was out @ 3. I have a total of 27 hrs this week. Still most likely not enough to get me ungrounded. My dad wants me to do something on the days I'm not working, I am probably gonna volunteer at the local Boys & Girls Club. If I do than if it's like last year I should hopefully have compy access when there is a open compy. Last I did odd jobs and when I wasn't doing those I was monitoring the compy lab they have there.
I still have a bunch of stuff to do today/tonight b4 they get home tomorrow, but I wanna write this first cause well for the first time for a bit I feel like writing a blog post.
OK so since I'm grounded and whatnot from the compy that means I will probably be doing lots of other things. Probably watching stuff on my Zune, listening to music (assuming I don't get my Zune taken away), hpefully drawing (I has some stuff I wanna do with drawing :P u'll c), reading (hopefully a bunch of discworld books), and well whatever else. Also hopefully will be able to hang out with friends this summer. Typically I don't cause well none of us ever rly hang out for some reason. I have other things that I want to do as well. And if I can there are things I want to do on compy as well. I wants to try and get better at drawing objects and people. Like representing them so they are identified as such but not necessarily _realistic_. I mean maybe look like it could be real but in the real we perceive. I dunno how to exactly describe it.
This summer may be a good one despite my basically non-existent computer access at home (like that's any diff than previous summers).
Indigo is sitting on my mousepad :P
Hehe interesting Link
Hmm lately my stomach has been well weird feeling. I dunno, it's sorta annoying.
O yes I have caught up on The Far Reaches, Flaky Pastry, Beartato, Teh Gladiators, Tiny Kitten Teeth, and Castle Vidcons. Those are all webcomics. At some point I'm gonna read all of Penny Arcade. I also finished Feet of Clay the other day. Is a good book and I started Reaper Man. Gonna see if I can obtain some more Discworld books. I also may finish another book I have about ADHD sorta stuff and people with it and how to deal with it and that sort of thing. It is interesting but as i was reading it last it only refreshed many things that I had figured out b4 myself. Tis an interesting read though. Haven't picked it up since I started, twas depressed when I read, I needed to get my mind off it so my dad lemme borrow it from him.
I also completed Portal again, and worked some on Half-Life2: Episode 1.
Hmm I can't think of much else to write for now. I may or may not be able to post again depending on what I am doing and compy access away from home, and also depending on wether I feel like writing or not.
Random most recent picture of self I have
So with that I bid you people adoMerry International Free Hug Day
*hug*
And happy 4th of July to I guess
Moog Master #1 is well not really doing much
Moog
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Quick Rant
I AM F'IN SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING STUFF LIKE THIS!
Sorry but I just am, what a new Mario game that uses stuff from the previous, ie the engine, and will lok the same, hmmm wat you say this hasn't been done b4? Well it has, go look at smb, smb:ll (smb2 in japan), and smb3. They all look the same and more of the first two use the same thigns to run basicly and they were both good.
What you think Nintendo has abandoned this "Hardcore" audience, well no maybe these games are coming out at the same pace they used to, just there are other games coming out to inbetween. If I'm not mistaken the old franchises are still coming out at about the same pace as they have been, if not faster.
Rant over.
Wrote that in Reader on the comments after reading that article.
I'm just really really sick of hearing stuff like this. Geese people grow up and just accept all this, enjoy the games you have, if people are going to act like this about nintendo and "Casual gaming" go play some moar of ur 360 or ps3 games and just shut up. And as for Sony and Microsoft, first you make of Nintendo, then you copy them. *sigh* I wish hostility would end and people could go back to what this is supposed to be about, gaming and having fun playing the games. Pick and choose what you like and play it.
Guess it wasn't over now was it.
Well I are off.
Moog Marauder # 1 is going *poof*
~Xac
Sorry but I just am, what a new Mario game that uses stuff from the previous, ie the engine, and will lok the same, hmmm wat you say this hasn't been done b4? Well it has, go look at smb, smb:ll (smb2 in japan), and smb3. They all look the same and more of the first two use the same thigns to run basicly and they were both good.
What you think Nintendo has abandoned this "Hardcore" audience, well no maybe these games are coming out at the same pace they used to, just there are other games coming out to inbetween. If I'm not mistaken the old franchises are still coming out at about the same pace as they have been, if not faster.
Rant over.
Wrote that in Reader on the comments after reading that article.
I'm just really really sick of hearing stuff like this. Geese people grow up and just accept all this, enjoy the games you have, if people are going to act like this about nintendo and "Casual gaming" go play some moar of ur 360 or ps3 games and just shut up. And as for Sony and Microsoft, first you make of Nintendo, then you copy them. *sigh* I wish hostility would end and people could go back to what this is supposed to be about, gaming and having fun playing the games. Pick and choose what you like and play it.
Guess it wasn't over now was it.
Well I are off.
Moog Marauder # 1 is going *poof*
~Xac
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Something
Well I don't feel like typing much right now but I don't feel like doing much right now and it will probably be good to get some stuff outta my head.
So I was gonna go see Up today with my sis and Mouse but well as always things just don't work out and so now we aren't going. Confusion with the youth license restrictions in NH, it's one passenger max that is not part of the family but Mouse's mom thought otherwise, and my sis has HW to do I guess. So it looks like I'm not going. I will probably have to wait for another DVD release of another Pixar movie that looks great. I would by myself but well I can't. Haven't rly done before + I wanna have a friend or my sis come iwth ma when I go but not rly any of my friends that I can contact atm are interested in Pixar movies. It seems like whenever I try to get things like this to work they just don't so i get bummed out. I will see Up at some point but it may not be for awhile.
So in other news I have now finally caught up with Order of the Stick. I have also been playing DKC all morning while waiting. For a bit both me and my bro were playing but he had to go take shower and also i think he was sorta bored of dying in it cause the levels were getting harder. He finished building his titanic model though. As of this moment I'm almost finshed with Chimp Caves, I think I'm either the last or secodn to last lvl before boss of this area. I will finally beat this game at some point.
*sigh*
I guess I should probably do the rest of my Java assignments but I just dont feel like it right now. I probably shoulda worked on them earlier today, but didn't really expect anything much today.
I sorta want sleep now but I know if I fall asleep now it'll screw me over quite a bt later. My body cycles are already screwed up enough as they are, with not sleeping any 'cept for an hour on thursday cause i forgot to take my ADHD meds in the morn so i took when I got so I oculd actually get something accomplished and with forgetting them on friday as well and falling asleep for 4 or 5 hrs or something like that when i got home and than sleeping more than normal when i got home from picking up sis, and with not getting much sleep last night, I think my body cycle is pretty much SCREWED up as it and it will take time again to fix itself. Screwing it up like I have the past few days will have a very annoying effect in the near future, as in possibly depression again cause random things. It's just one more factor that comes into play with my mind, which I'm not altogether sure if it is stable or not. All I can really do is continue to live with it cause I will not die if I have anything to say bout it.
*sigh* School is almost over, I don't really want it to end. When it ends it means I won't see lke any of my friends for 3 months. I mean I'll see the very few that live in my neighboorhood some but probably not vry much since I'll be working more. I may see some at the DnD campaign that Mouse shall be doing during the summer, but iono i have to work exactly so theres a problem with that. I am also gone for 14 days for Philmont, I get along ok with most of the crew and i ahve one good friend in it as well but after a couple of days on the trail people will probably get irritated easier. Also another thing with school ending is the fact that its the end of Junior year, and well i don't really want HS to end. It has been fun, I've met/gotten to know better a bunch of great friends and overall it hasn't been to bad of an experience. I'm also sorta afraid of what happens next afterwards. I gotta go to college and leave just bout everything that I've come to know behind most likely. This may sound bad what will probably hapen with many of my friends is I'll lose contact with em and we just drift away. I don't want to ose my friends, sure I may make new ones but it just won't be the same + I'm not rly ggreat at socializing and it is hard to find friends like I have now I'm pretty sure. I'm not really sure what I'm heading towards with all this. Well I had more to say but it sorta dissolved. So yah guess I'm done for now.
May edit/repost later.
Now off to toadstool book shop.
"Smell ya later" - Gary
Moog Maruader of the first number is off
Moogify
*poof*
PS Feeling better now
So I was gonna go see Up today with my sis and Mouse but well as always things just don't work out and so now we aren't going. Confusion with the youth license restrictions in NH, it's one passenger max that is not part of the family but Mouse's mom thought otherwise, and my sis has HW to do I guess. So it looks like I'm not going. I will probably have to wait for another DVD release of another Pixar movie that looks great. I would by myself but well I can't. Haven't rly done before + I wanna have a friend or my sis come iwth ma when I go but not rly any of my friends that I can contact atm are interested in Pixar movies. It seems like whenever I try to get things like this to work they just don't so i get bummed out. I will see Up at some point but it may not be for awhile.
So in other news I have now finally caught up with Order of the Stick. I have also been playing DKC all morning while waiting. For a bit both me and my bro were playing but he had to go take shower and also i think he was sorta bored of dying in it cause the levels were getting harder. He finished building his titanic model though. As of this moment I'm almost finshed with Chimp Caves, I think I'm either the last or secodn to last lvl before boss of this area. I will finally beat this game at some point.
*sigh*
I guess I should probably do the rest of my Java assignments but I just dont feel like it right now. I probably shoulda worked on them earlier today, but didn't really expect anything much today.
I sorta want sleep now but I know if I fall asleep now it'll screw me over quite a bt later. My body cycles are already screwed up enough as they are, with not sleeping any 'cept for an hour on thursday cause i forgot to take my ADHD meds in the morn so i took when I got so I oculd actually get something accomplished and with forgetting them on friday as well and falling asleep for 4 or 5 hrs or something like that when i got home and than sleeping more than normal when i got home from picking up sis, and with not getting much sleep last night, I think my body cycle is pretty much SCREWED up as it and it will take time again to fix itself. Screwing it up like I have the past few days will have a very annoying effect in the near future, as in possibly depression again cause random things. It's just one more factor that comes into play with my mind, which I'm not altogether sure if it is stable or not. All I can really do is continue to live with it cause I will not die if I have anything to say bout it.
*sigh* School is almost over, I don't really want it to end. When it ends it means I won't see lke any of my friends for 3 months. I mean I'll see the very few that live in my neighboorhood some but probably not vry much since I'll be working more. I may see some at the DnD campaign that Mouse shall be doing during the summer, but iono i have to work exactly so theres a problem with that. I am also gone for 14 days for Philmont, I get along ok with most of the crew and i ahve one good friend in it as well but after a couple of days on the trail people will probably get irritated easier. Also another thing with school ending is the fact that its the end of Junior year, and well i don't really want HS to end. It has been fun, I've met/gotten to know better a bunch of great friends and overall it hasn't been to bad of an experience. I'm also sorta afraid of what happens next afterwards. I gotta go to college and leave just bout everything that I've come to know behind most likely. This may sound bad what will probably hapen with many of my friends is I'll lose contact with em and we just drift away. I don't want to ose my friends, sure I may make new ones but it just won't be the same + I'm not rly ggreat at socializing and it is hard to find friends like I have now I'm pretty sure. I'm not really sure what I'm heading towards with all this. Well I had more to say but it sorta dissolved. So yah guess I'm done for now.
May edit/repost later.
Now off to toadstool book shop.
"Smell ya later" - Gary
Moog Maruader of the first number is off
Moogify
*poof*
PS Feeling better now
Friday, May 22, 2009
Undercorked
Name chosen. Thx Mouse.
Not to much to say today.
Finished lawn.
In much better mood now.
Have work tomorrow, 1-9 and on sunday 3-8.
No school Monday.
Moog
Not to much to say today.
Finished lawn.
In much better mood now.
Have work tomorrow, 1-9 and on sunday 3-8.
No school Monday.
Moog
Thursday, May 21, 2009
RARRRRGGG
I HATE HOT WEATHER. I t screws with my head so much. Makes me get frustrated with so much, destroys my concentration, quicker to anger and I get yelled at more because of getting annoyed faster cause it is harder to control myself when I'm annoyed.
I'm frustrated about everything right now. This heat, my inaility to do work right now, dad yelling at me for having work clothes out + my sweatpants i wear at night, having to mow lawn, having so much stuff to catch up with in school but can't seem to do @ home or inclass, nervousness about things like going into a bank to ask questions, college and what I'm going to do about it and after it, the fact that I can't write a damn 250 word essay about something for a college app, the fact that summer vaca is rapidly aproaching and that means very little seeing of friends, and so many othe things some that I can't tell anyone and other stuff to.
The only thing I like about summer vacation is the fact theres no school to worry about for 3 months but this summer I'm gonna be working for most of the summer so ya. I like school, I don't like the homework or Latin, most of the rest is fine although i would like t obe able to concentrate in Java though. *sigh* I love having a class with a lot of my friends in it but it doesn't make the environment for working much better, in fact it may make it more distracting. No offense to any of you who are reading this, but it makes sense. It's not the main thing though, I think its just A-lock + a few other things.
Well my headaches gone and frustration is down a bunch. Basement is nice and cool, one of the reasons y I spend much time down here in hotter months. Momo y do you insist on sitting on my mouse? Ug I'm probably gonna end up sleepwalking tonight, happens most often when I get frustrated. Just something from experience in the past.
Speaking of the past, I sorta wish I could be a kid again. No worries, no screwed up hormones, no job, no worries about the future, just living and playing. I can't control time as of yet so it's not gonna happen unless i all of a sudden become omnipotent. That would not be good if that happened, I know the power hungry psyco part of my mind would come and take over. The world be a blazing heap on flames and ashes within a few seconds, I don't even know if I would be able to catch myself before a roast everything including friends that I would take with me if I could at least have a little control. But I probably wouldn't. Meh this is just me beign pesismistic again. I don't truely know what would happen but human nature leads me to believe of the abuse of the power even if it's myself that had it. I don't rly want to think of myself as doing anything like but even if i didn't abuse it for awhile eventualy it would just consume my thoughts and actions and bad stuffs.
Ug one of the DD's on DA is pervish. Humans are so selfish.Sex, masturbation, antyhing of that sorts just cause it's easy "Happyness" and shows "Love". This is sorta going a little off of what Mouse said in her most recent entry. Sry if it seems like I'm always cpoying you with stuff but well when I read thigns it starts gears cranking alot, 'specially with many of my friends. I think I'm done with this topic for now though till the full part of it resurfaces from the maelstrom of my thoughts, memories and emotions.
I hate how I can't rly express my thoughts and emotions properly enough. I can't express them to the depths of what they are. This probably doesn't make much sense but well none of it rly makes much sense to me either.
Finally the water heater shut off, much less noise besides my music playing now. I have my entire library on shuffle right now and am listening to just anything that comes up. If I'm not mistaken one of the battle themes from Metroid Prime 2 is playing atm.
At some point I may actually try to write my college essay up here cause well I just can't do it in a formal way and so if I use the question as the basis for a blog post I may be able to use that as a guide for the essay itself or use the post with minor edits. Any help from you invisible non-commenting readers would be very much appreciated even if it doesn't help me directly.
Oh I may have a possible name for this blog but I'm gonna dwell on it more. The one I may be favoring more is the one Mouse suggested, but I think I may tweak it a little but iono depends on what my brain decides.
Damn hormones making me want to hit something or watever it is thats making me want to hit something.
Well tis almost 9:30, work accomplished @ home today = null for schoolwork, frustration levels for today = +a lot, depression/stress levels could be increasing to a critical point at a point in the near future.
Good night and sleep well to all of those that shall be sleeping and goo wakings to those who aren't.
Thx for reading you people who aren't there.
And pls comment, I'm not sure y I'm saying this but well ya.
Go forth and Moogify.
Moog Master Numbah one is off
*poof*
I'm frustrated about everything right now. This heat, my inaility to do work right now, dad yelling at me for having work clothes out + my sweatpants i wear at night, having to mow lawn, having so much stuff to catch up with in school but can't seem to do @ home or inclass, nervousness about things like going into a bank to ask questions, college and what I'm going to do about it and after it, the fact that I can't write a damn 250 word essay about something for a college app, the fact that summer vaca is rapidly aproaching and that means very little seeing of friends, and so many othe things some that I can't tell anyone and other stuff to.
The only thing I like about summer vacation is the fact theres no school to worry about for 3 months but this summer I'm gonna be working for most of the summer so ya. I like school, I don't like the homework or Latin, most of the rest is fine although i would like t obe able to concentrate in Java though. *sigh* I love having a class with a lot of my friends in it but it doesn't make the environment for working much better, in fact it may make it more distracting. No offense to any of you who are reading this, but it makes sense. It's not the main thing though, I think its just A-lock + a few other things.
Well my headaches gone and frustration is down a bunch. Basement is nice and cool, one of the reasons y I spend much time down here in hotter months. Momo y do you insist on sitting on my mouse? Ug I'm probably gonna end up sleepwalking tonight, happens most often when I get frustrated. Just something from experience in the past.
Speaking of the past, I sorta wish I could be a kid again. No worries, no screwed up hormones, no job, no worries about the future, just living and playing. I can't control time as of yet so it's not gonna happen unless i all of a sudden become omnipotent. That would not be good if that happened, I know the power hungry psyco part of my mind would come and take over. The world be a blazing heap on flames and ashes within a few seconds, I don't even know if I would be able to catch myself before a roast everything including friends that I would take with me if I could at least have a little control. But I probably wouldn't. Meh this is just me beign pesismistic again. I don't truely know what would happen but human nature leads me to believe of the abuse of the power even if it's myself that had it. I don't rly want to think of myself as doing anything like but even if i didn't abuse it for awhile eventualy it would just consume my thoughts and actions and bad stuffs.
Ug one of the DD's on DA is pervish. Humans are so selfish.Sex, masturbation, antyhing of that sorts just cause it's easy "Happyness" and shows "Love". This is sorta going a little off of what Mouse said in her most recent entry. Sry if it seems like I'm always cpoying you with stuff but well when I read thigns it starts gears cranking alot, 'specially with many of my friends. I think I'm done with this topic for now though till the full part of it resurfaces from the maelstrom of my thoughts, memories and emotions.
I hate how I can't rly express my thoughts and emotions properly enough. I can't express them to the depths of what they are. This probably doesn't make much sense but well none of it rly makes much sense to me either.
Finally the water heater shut off, much less noise besides my music playing now. I have my entire library on shuffle right now and am listening to just anything that comes up. If I'm not mistaken one of the battle themes from Metroid Prime 2 is playing atm.
At some point I may actually try to write my college essay up here cause well I just can't do it in a formal way and so if I use the question as the basis for a blog post I may be able to use that as a guide for the essay itself or use the post with minor edits. Any help from you invisible non-commenting readers would be very much appreciated even if it doesn't help me directly.
Oh I may have a possible name for this blog but I'm gonna dwell on it more. The one I may be favoring more is the one Mouse suggested, but I think I may tweak it a little but iono depends on what my brain decides.
Damn hormones making me want to hit something or watever it is thats making me want to hit something.
Well tis almost 9:30, work accomplished @ home today = null for schoolwork, frustration levels for today = +a lot, depression/stress levels could be increasing to a critical point at a point in the near future.
Good night and sleep well to all of those that shall be sleeping and goo wakings to those who aren't.
Thx for reading you people who aren't there.
And pls comment, I'm not sure y I'm saying this but well ya.
Go forth and Moogify.
Moog Master Numbah one is off
*poof*
Sunday, May 17, 2009
"Grim, I want you to cut it out."
Well I got back from me hike about 3 hours ago I think it was. Wasn't to bad, sorta. Twelve miles saturday, 7 or 8 today. Kept a small journal and will type it up + upload it later.
I has been zoning out quite a bit as of earlier today, also knees area bother and I'm not feeling to great right now but o well.
I really wanna start drawing more again. Gotta start getting more practice with drawing things from my head, and shading. I just can't seem to shade, and when I try to draw things from my head they either morph or I just can't do it. It's annoying cause it seems like i've been disheartened bout it by something that I can't figure out. Maybe I should get halp from a friend, but it's hard for me to ask cause I'm pretty sure I won't understand or it will frustrate them trying to teach me something that I probably just won't get.
*sigh*
I am really tired but I can't let myself sleep till after I got to McDonalds @ seven.
I hope this tiredness doesnt turn to depresion. It canbut I'm gonna try and avoid it somehow. All these thoughts floating around and they are just stuck inside like a bottled fairy, only to be used and then just disapear.
Time for some random thoughts.
As you are young you see much, process little. The older you become the less you see but the more you process what you can still see.
Other thoughts ran away.
Well I think I'm done for now. Lets see if I can get rest of the letters on this aerospostle sweathirt off before seven. Aeropos are left.
Cya non-existant readers.
The Moog Master of the Numbah One is zoning out to much
<3 over and over again on wmp
Moog
*fallsflatonfaceonkeyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddd*
I has been zoning out quite a bit as of earlier today, also knees area bother and I'm not feeling to great right now but o well.
I really wanna start drawing more again. Gotta start getting more practice with drawing things from my head, and shading. I just can't seem to shade, and when I try to draw things from my head they either morph or I just can't do it. It's annoying cause it seems like i've been disheartened bout it by something that I can't figure out. Maybe I should get halp from a friend, but it's hard for me to ask cause I'm pretty sure I won't understand or it will frustrate them trying to teach me something that I probably just won't get.
*sigh*
I am really tired but I can't let myself sleep till after I got to McDonalds @ seven.
I hope this tiredness doesnt turn to depresion. It canbut I'm gonna try and avoid it somehow. All these thoughts floating around and they are just stuck inside like a bottled fairy, only to be used and then just disapear.
Time for some random thoughts.
As you are young you see much, process little. The older you become the less you see but the more you process what you can still see.
Other thoughts ran away.
Well I think I'm done for now. Lets see if I can get rest of the letters on this aerospostle sweathirt off before seven. Aeropos are left.
Cya non-existant readers.
The Moog Master of the Numbah One is zoning out to much
<3 over and over again on wmp
Moog
*fallsflatonfaceonkeyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddd*
Friday, May 15, 2009
You've Been Mooged
So this will probably be the first post of my personal blog. I shall continue posting to the other blog, but this one will be for other stuff. Like my journal and, if I get anywhere with it in the future, my game stuff.
So as of right now I’m in Commercial Arts typing this up in word, bleck, instead of doing the project we are supposed to be working on. I was actually able to get work done last block but the fire drill screwed me up and I couldn’t get anything else done after. At the moment I think I may have burned the working capabilities out for now, but I feel like doing this so I am. I hate this keyboard, it just doesn’t feel right.
This weekend I’m heading on a backpacking trip in the White Mountains if I remember correctly. We are doing more than 15 miles total I think, can’t remember exactly.
Ug, my mind is in a state in which I want to discuss things with friends, only problem for this is that I can’t really have a discussion with friends when there isn’t much time to do this and that it seems like many of them don’t really want to, no offense to any of them if they are reading this. I enjoy good discussion even if they get off-topic. They exercise my mind in a way that is enjoyable and they help me learn more about others and myself. I just wish more people would be open to them, and that I had more time to have them.
This keyboard keeps missing keys, it’s getting annoying having to go back and fix it.
Starting at about the new year my mind decided to kick into overdrive or something like that, and I had lots inspiration and that’s about when I learned I could draw at least somewhat decently. It’s odd, I have never really been able to draw, really at all. I enjoyed it but I just couldn’t do very much, so I basically stopped somewhere in middle school with the exclusion of rand doodles n’ stuff. I really wish I could draw from my head more though. I suck at details and anything I try drawing from my head either doesn’t come out well cause I can’t do shading, or it changes as I’m drawing it and it just doesn’t come back. At some point I may be able to do these thins but most of my inspiration has disappeared once again so it may be a bit until I really do anything. I’ll do a few things here and there but not as much as I did in the short period of time. I’m sort of envious of a bunch of my friends who can draw really well.
Let’s see what shall I write about to burn up more then an hour. Ah yes I know.
I have something called ADHD. I really can’t remember what the letters stand for at the moment, but it is basically a thinking disorder or something like that. ADHD is a variant of ADD, just with a hyperactive part. I think I was diagnosed with it at the end of elementary school, and I started to take meds for it soon after. Ritalin. After that I started to learn much better and I could actually get stuff done easier. For me it seems like whenever I forget meds it’s like my will to do many things goes poof, neat surrounding things in word with * makes them bold to ^.^, and I can’t concentrate much on anything anymore. At some point in late middle school, I think, the Ritalin seemed to be wearing off at points, probably cause of growth + hormones n’ stuff, and so they switched me over to something stronger + time released pill. Concerta. I’ve been taking that ever since with the occasional time I forget to, which sucks for me. I really don’t want to have to depend on this stuff for the rest of my life just to think. It’s expensive + it’s a drug. I don’t want to be dependent on a drug, or really much of anything for that mater. This is also a reason why I avoid most things with caffeine, and the reason, other than I hate the taste, of why I don’t drink coffee. Sometimes I wonder if starting to take meds for it was the right thing to do. It may have destroyed any chance I have of getting a way to think well without them and do stuff. I don’t know. I’ve read part of book bought it and stuff, but have not finished. I think I may have forgotten much of what it had to say to, I was reading to get my mind off other things (was sorta depressed so my dad gave me the book to get my mind off whatever it was since what it was I couldn’t tell him or rly anyone else, cept maybe a few of my friends, to shy call though). Although if I had the chance to have my ADHD magically disappear, I would choose not to. It is a part of me, and I don’t like having parts of me disappearing without me doing it myself. That may have not made much sense but o well. If anyone has any suggestion, please don’t just go google it and give me a link, I’m open to um, maybe.
I have so many things going in my mind, some others know about, many that people don’t know about, and some I don’t know what they are but I just know they are there. There are many things I want to discuss/ask for advice about/tell others, but there are so many of them I just can’t. The reasons; meekness, uncomfortable sharing certain things, fear of reactions to certain ones, some I just have to solve on my own, and other reasons I either can’t explain or there are none. Random thought, I wish I could type papers for school as easily as I have been able to do this stuff and that I could use first person on them.
Here is something that really is annoying me, why are people so affixed with sex. It seems to be what most adults thinks about/discuss quite a bit. It gets really annoying when at work my coworkers talk about sex and everything around it. Why is that much of humanity revolved around it. Movies, games, pictures all needless things but seem to be really popular because of the fact that humans can’t seem to not stay away from just cause it make them “feel good”. Bleck.
I may have just answered my own question on at least one level, but not on all.
I really wish I could help people figure stuff out more or get things in their head, but it seems like whenever I try with most things I just make it worse, or so it seems. I’m horrible at explain how to do many things. It may be because of my thought process and how different it is than everyone else’s. I would like to see how someone thinks from their point of view exactly, like being inside their mind, just so I could have another thing to base things on and it may also help me understand myself more. That may sound a little creepy, and it may just be that, but it is just something that I would find at least somewhat useful. Trying to find out my own mind has been a perpetual battle with the many parts of me that doesn’t ever seem to stop. I think I have one thing solved, and I may have that one thing solved, but many other things pop up. And with many things that I would <3> for any1 who wants it and for any1 who doesn't as well.
Numbah one is signing off
Moog
*poof*
So as of right now I’m in Commercial Arts typing this up in word, bleck, instead of doing the project we are supposed to be working on. I was actually able to get work done last block but the fire drill screwed me up and I couldn’t get anything else done after. At the moment I think I may have burned the working capabilities out for now, but I feel like doing this so I am. I hate this keyboard, it just doesn’t feel right.
This weekend I’m heading on a backpacking trip in the White Mountains if I remember correctly. We are doing more than 15 miles total I think, can’t remember exactly.
Ug, my mind is in a state in which I want to discuss things with friends, only problem for this is that I can’t really have a discussion with friends when there isn’t much time to do this and that it seems like many of them don’t really want to, no offense to any of them if they are reading this. I enjoy good discussion even if they get off-topic. They exercise my mind in a way that is enjoyable and they help me learn more about others and myself. I just wish more people would be open to them, and that I had more time to have them.
This keyboard keeps missing keys, it’s getting annoying having to go back and fix it.
Starting at about the new year my mind decided to kick into overdrive or something like that, and I had lots inspiration and that’s about when I learned I could draw at least somewhat decently. It’s odd, I have never really been able to draw, really at all. I enjoyed it but I just couldn’t do very much, so I basically stopped somewhere in middle school with the exclusion of rand doodles n’ stuff. I really wish I could draw from my head more though. I suck at details and anything I try drawing from my head either doesn’t come out well cause I can’t do shading, or it changes as I’m drawing it and it just doesn’t come back. At some point I may be able to do these thins but most of my inspiration has disappeared once again so it may be a bit until I really do anything. I’ll do a few things here and there but not as much as I did in the short period of time. I’m sort of envious of a bunch of my friends who can draw really well.
Let’s see what shall I write about to burn up more then an hour. Ah yes I know.
I have something called ADHD. I really can’t remember what the letters stand for at the moment, but it is basically a thinking disorder or something like that. ADHD is a variant of ADD, just with a hyperactive part. I think I was diagnosed with it at the end of elementary school, and I started to take meds for it soon after. Ritalin. After that I started to learn much better and I could actually get stuff done easier. For me it seems like whenever I forget meds it’s like my will to do many things goes poof, neat surrounding things in word with * makes them bold to ^.^, and I can’t concentrate much on anything anymore. At some point in late middle school, I think, the Ritalin seemed to be wearing off at points, probably cause of growth + hormones n’ stuff, and so they switched me over to something stronger + time released pill. Concerta. I’ve been taking that ever since with the occasional time I forget to, which sucks for me. I really don’t want to have to depend on this stuff for the rest of my life just to think. It’s expensive + it’s a drug. I don’t want to be dependent on a drug, or really much of anything for that mater. This is also a reason why I avoid most things with caffeine, and the reason, other than I hate the taste, of why I don’t drink coffee. Sometimes I wonder if starting to take meds for it was the right thing to do. It may have destroyed any chance I have of getting a way to think well without them and do stuff. I don’t know. I’ve read part of book bought it and stuff, but have not finished. I think I may have forgotten much of what it had to say to, I was reading to get my mind off other things (was sorta depressed so my dad gave me the book to get my mind off whatever it was since what it was I couldn’t tell him or rly anyone else, cept maybe a few of my friends, to shy call though). Although if I had the chance to have my ADHD magically disappear, I would choose not to. It is a part of me, and I don’t like having parts of me disappearing without me doing it myself. That may have not made much sense but o well. If anyone has any suggestion, please don’t just go google it and give me a link, I’m open to um, maybe.
I have so many things going in my mind, some others know about, many that people don’t know about, and some I don’t know what they are but I just know they are there. There are many things I want to discuss/ask for advice about/tell others, but there are so many of them I just can’t. The reasons; meekness, uncomfortable sharing certain things, fear of reactions to certain ones, some I just have to solve on my own, and other reasons I either can’t explain or there are none. Random thought, I wish I could type papers for school as easily as I have been able to do this stuff and that I could use first person on them.
Here is something that really is annoying me, why are people so affixed with sex. It seems to be what most adults thinks about/discuss quite a bit. It gets really annoying when at work my coworkers talk about sex and everything around it. Why is that much of humanity revolved around it. Movies, games, pictures all needless things but seem to be really popular because of the fact that humans can’t seem to not stay away from just cause it make them “feel good”. Bleck.
I may have just answered my own question on at least one level, but not on all.
I really wish I could help people figure stuff out more or get things in their head, but it seems like whenever I try with most things I just make it worse, or so it seems. I’m horrible at explain how to do many things. It may be because of my thought process and how different it is than everyone else’s. I would like to see how someone thinks from their point of view exactly, like being inside their mind, just so I could have another thing to base things on and it may also help me understand myself more. That may sound a little creepy, and it may just be that, but it is just something that I would find at least somewhat useful. Trying to find out my own mind has been a perpetual battle with the many parts of me that doesn’t ever seem to stop. I think I have one thing solved, and I may have that one thing solved, but many other things pop up. And with many things that I would <3> for any1 who wants it and for any1 who doesn't as well.
Numbah one is signing off
Moog
*poof*
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