You've Been Mooged

So this will probably be the first post of my personal blog. I shall continue posting to the other blog, but this one will be for other stuff. Like my journal and, if I get anywhere with it in the future, my game stuff.

So as of right now I’m in Commercial Arts typing this up in word, bleck, instead of doing the project we are supposed to be working on. I was actually able to get work done last block but the fire drill screwed me up and I couldn’t get anything else done after. At the moment I think I may have burned the working capabilities out for now, but I feel like doing this so I am. I hate this keyboard, it just doesn’t feel right.

This weekend I’m heading on a backpacking trip in the White Mountains if I remember correctly. We are doing more than 15 miles total I think, can’t remember exactly.

Ug, my mind is in a state in which I want to discuss things with friends, only problem for this is that I can’t really have a discussion with friends when there isn’t much time to do this and that it seems like many of them don’t really want to, no offense to any of them if they are reading this. I enjoy good discussion even if they get off-topic. They exercise my mind in a way that is enjoyable and they help me learn more about others and myself. I just wish more people would be open to them, and that I had more time to have them.

This keyboard keeps missing keys, it’s getting annoying having to go back and fix it.
Starting at about the new year my mind decided to kick into overdrive or something like that, and I had lots inspiration and that’s about when I learned I could draw at least somewhat decently. It’s odd, I have never really been able to draw, really at all. I enjoyed it but I just couldn’t do very much, so I basically stopped somewhere in middle school with the exclusion of rand doodles n’ stuff. I really wish I could draw from my head more though. I suck at details and anything I try drawing from my head either doesn’t come out well cause I can’t do shading, or it changes as I’m drawing it and it just doesn’t come back. At some point I may be able to do these thins but most of my inspiration has disappeared once again so it may be a bit until I really do anything. I’ll do a few things here and there but not as much as I did in the short period of time. I’m sort of envious of a bunch of my friends who can draw really well.

Let’s see what shall I write about to burn up more then an hour. Ah yes I know.
I have something called ADHD. I really can’t remember what the letters stand for at the moment, but it is basically a thinking disorder or something like that. ADHD is a variant of ADD, just with a hyperactive part. I think I was diagnosed with it at the end of elementary school, and I started to take meds for it soon after. Ritalin. After that I started to learn much better and I could actually get stuff done easier. For me it seems like whenever I forget meds it’s like my will to do many things goes poof, neat surrounding things in word with * makes them bold to ^.^, and I can’t concentrate much on anything anymore. At some point in late middle school, I think, the Ritalin seemed to be wearing off at points, probably cause of growth + hormones n’ stuff, and so they switched me over to something stronger + time released pill. Concerta. I’ve been taking that ever since with the occasional time I forget to, which sucks for me. I really don’t want to have to depend on this stuff for the rest of my life just to think. It’s expensive + it’s a drug. I don’t want to be dependent on a drug, or really much of anything for that mater. This is also a reason why I avoid most things with caffeine, and the reason, other than I hate the taste, of why I don’t drink coffee. Sometimes I wonder if starting to take meds for it was the right thing to do. It may have destroyed any chance I have of getting a way to think well without them and do stuff. I don’t know. I’ve read part of book bought it and stuff, but have not finished. I think I may have forgotten much of what it had to say to, I was reading to get my mind off other things (was sorta depressed so my dad gave me the book to get my mind off whatever it was since what it was I couldn’t tell him or rly anyone else, cept maybe a few of my friends, to shy call though). Although if I had the chance to have my ADHD magically disappear, I would choose not to. It is a part of me, and I don’t like having parts of me disappearing without me doing it myself. That may have not made much sense but o well. If anyone has any suggestion, please don’t just go google it and give me a link, I’m open to um, maybe.

I have so many things going in my mind, some others know about, many that people don’t know about, and some I don’t know what they are but I just know they are there. There are many things I want to discuss/ask for advice about/tell others, but there are so many of them I just can’t. The reasons; meekness, uncomfortable sharing certain things, fear of reactions to certain ones, some I just have to solve on my own, and other reasons I either can’t explain or there are none. Random thought, I wish I could type papers for school as easily as I have been able to do this stuff and that I could use first person on them.

Here is something that really is annoying me, why are people so affixed with sex. It seems to be what most adults thinks about/discuss quite a bit. It gets really annoying when at work my coworkers talk about sex and everything around it. Why is that much of humanity revolved around it. Movies, games, pictures all needless things but seem to be really popular because of the fact that humans can’t seem to not stay away from just cause it make them “feel good”. Bleck.

I may have just answered my own question on at least one level, but not on all.
I really wish I could help people figure stuff out more or get things in their head, but it seems like whenever I try with most things I just make it worse, or so it seems. I’m horrible at explain how to do many things. It may be because of my thought process and how different it is than everyone else’s. I would like to see how someone thinks from their point of view exactly, like being inside their mind, just so I could have another thing to base things on and it may also help me understand myself more. That may sound a little creepy, and it may just be that, but it is just something that I would find at least somewhat useful. Trying to find out my own mind has been a perpetual battle with the many parts of me that doesn’t ever seem to stop. I think I have one thing solved, and I may have that one thing solved, but many other things pop up. And with many things that I would <3> for any1 who wants it and for any1 who doesn't as well.

Numbah one is signing off
Moog
*poof*